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TOP 5 ON-SCREEN DUMPS OF ALL TIME

Let’s face it: human waste disposal makes for great entertainment. While not always in the best of taste, natural emissions in film and TV is usually good for at least a laugh, if not a down-and-out burst into hysterics. Here we detail our favorite on-screen moments where someone else’s bowel-related adventure delighted us to no end:

5) Al Bundy Gets His Bathroom Back – Married With Children

Few TV characters embodied the highs and lows of manhood the way Al Bundy did. As a somewhat pathetic shoe salesman, Al found personal triumph in places where his prowess went unmatched, like the bathroom. In the episode “A Man’s Castle” Al’s sanctuary is threatened by Peggy’s new interior decorating club. In order to thwart them off, he fills up on hot sauce and burritos and then does what he does best: takes a big dump. While the dump itself is inferred and not actually seen, it is wise to assume that this was one powerful dump, as it clears the house and gets him his kingdom back in no time.

4) The World Famous Hardware Store Dump – Jackass: The Movie

The Jackass gang didn’t miss a beat when they transitioned onto the big screen. Their debut film features one of the most notorious dumps in American history, when member Dave England pulls down his pants and vacates his bowels on a model toilet in the middle of a hardware store. Of course, it wouldn’t be Jackass if good old Dave didn’t accidentally poop his pants during a previous segment.

3) The Worst Dumps in Scotland – Trainspotting

Danny Boyle’s superb adaptation of an Irving Welsh novel features not one, but TWO totally memorable dumps. The first involves the narrator accidentally defecating his precious bag of drugs, followed by a surreal trip through the toilet underworld. The other has a character named Spud “messing” the bed in his sleep, then splattering the walls after a tug-of-war match over the sheets with his girlfriend the following morning.

2) Randy Marsh’s Biggest Dump – South Park

South Park, a trailblazing, raunchy cartoon deserves its own Top Ten Dump List given its abundance of seemingly endless poop jokes, including an episode where Mr. Hankey (a talking piece of poo) covers the entire town in crap. However, it’s on the episode “More Crap” where the show reaches new heights in toilet humor. In an effort to claim the title for world’s biggest dump, Randy Marsh must compete with no one other than U2’s Bono. The results are triumphant and, of course, hilarious.

1) The Endless Dump – Dumb and Dumber

Like Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the Farrelly Brothers are no strangers to the adventures of one’s bowel movements. The filmmakers shine as filth purveyors of the highest order when Lloyd (Dumb) slips Harry (Dumber) an ENTIRE box of laxatives before Harry’s date. The explosive result is comedy gold that needs no further explanation.

 

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Top 5 Ways A Dump Can Ruin Your Day

5) The Sneak-Attack – You’re on the bus after a long, hard day at work. Traffic is crawling along at a snail’s pace. You’re surrounded by people. When it happens. A quick rumble in the belly. An instant discomfort in the bowels. From out of nowhere, last night’s grande burrito has finally caught up to you. You have to take a dump. Real bad. And you’re miles from the nearest bathroom. It’s starting to hurt. If you don’t find a bathroom soon than this whole situation can get very awkward. To ease the pain, you let out a few quiet farts. The girl next to you starts sniffing in the air. What do you do?

4) Up Shit’s Creek Without a Paddle – You’re on a camping trip with your friends. There’s one roll of toilet paper for six of you to share. You take it into the woods. Unexpectedly, you take a very messy, smelly dump that demands numerous wipes. Out of respect for the one roll of TP, you start grabbing at leaves and using them to wipe. It’s cold out. It’s messy. And you just grabbed a clump of poison ivy (with a caterpillar on it).

3) You Blew It – It’s a blind date and she’s even prettier than you hoped she would be. The candles are lit. She loves the sound of everything on the menu. If only you’d known this night would be different than the others. Then you wouldn’t have eaten six slices of pepperoni pizza the night before. You’ve already gone to the bathroom twice, but the well of foul-smelling defecation is unfathomably deep. If you go to the bathroom one more time, you’re gonna lose her. But your stomach…it hurts so much.

2) The Big Moment – It’s your time to shine. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. You can be a basketball player holding the ball with three seconds on the clock. You can be a singer on TV for the first time, or the leader of a board room meeting. All eyes are on you. You are the man. And you’ve been holding in a fart for twenty minutes. It’s a fart that will be loud if it gets out. Very, very loud. On the other hand, you can’t hold it in much longer. Even the adrenaline can’t contain it. It’s coming, and your microphone is on…

1) You Shit Your Pants – Anywhere. At any age over ten. Trust us, it will ruin your day.

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